Often many couples come to my office with problems in which an agreement between the two has not been reached due to the issues that have arisen. Many times the emotional response of some of them is based on two points: shut up (as if by magic it was going to be fixed) or run away from the problem (never try again).
This only makes the problem bigger, as hiding the trash under the rug at the end will cause us to trip over it as we walk over it and fall. It is what a poorly solved couple conflict translates into hidden garbage so as not to be treated that at a given moment bothers us and makes that foul smell cloud our thoughts, being unable to do anything other than face it. The way to confront us will be by externalizing it.
Unfortunately, in people with weak emotional communication in relationships, these kinds of problems are frequent, with behaviors that in others create frustration and anxiety when we look strange and don’t understand each other.
Fundamental ideas of emotional communication in life as a couple
The eight keys that I will present to you so that you can put into practice emotional communication are simple to follow; let’s go with them.
1. 5-second rule: Before you say something, count
We mustn’t fall into impulses when we express ideas. Many times we respond by a heater thinking that they are provoking us, which makes us cry out in the sky and say things without thinking about it. Therefore, I suggest that before speaking, you try to calm down and count five misisisipis. It sounds silly, but trust me, it works.
2. Now or never: what bothers you speak at the moment
It’s funny, but … why have you sometimes exploded by nonsense remembering something else that bothered you at the time? Don’t you realize how you unconsciously drag unresolved conflicts? For this, it is important to say something when it bothers you, even if you think it is something without importance. Talking about it, constructively helps it to be solved, and our partner sees the things that bother us since he is not a fortune teller.
3. Constant tone: no screaming
Be careful. Shapes are the last thing you lose. Raising the tone in a conversation causes us to break one of the main rules, respect. Therefore it is important to maintain a constant sound, neither too high (implies aggressiveness) nor too low (means arrogance). Keeping a stable and clear voice thread will allow us to exchange opinions much better.
4. A goal: I’m like this because
More than once, we have noticed our strange partner and, without knowing what is happening to him, until at one point, we squeeze him and tell us about his anger. Therefore, to avoid this, when we have discomfort, it is best to express the problem, and as a result, we will discuss it with our partner, remembering to keep the points above.
5. Express the problem from what it has made you feel
It seems like a good idea, and it is what works best, since this way you do not start your debate from an accusation, but rather by showing how you feel, and that will make your partner see that he has made you feel bad and that you leave from an internal point of reflection, which will make things easier to face them.
6. Non-verbal behavior: hands, smile, look at eyes
Logically, we cannot carry out excellent communication while watching TV or avoiding situations and talking at the same time as we leave. When one of the two wants to start a conversation, it is important to look each other in the eye, that we are both at the same height (if he is also sitting), and if we are busy at the moment, propose to continue the conversation a little later to focus our attention on the discussion 100%.
After all, if they talk to us sitting from the ground and standing, it will be somewhat uncomfortable. Therefore, being able to speak face to face is essential and will make things easier.
7. Your partner is not a fortune teller
Our verbal communication is often influenced by supposed beliefs that we make based on how our partner should act, become teachers, and transform the relationship into a continuous examination based on the constant evaluation.
In situations like this, the other feels that he has to satisfy all our shortcomings of the moment and pass all the tests that we put on him, such as: say good morning, answer our calls, not read us on WhatsApp, etc. In this way, we will become selfish (and incidentally, controllers), not allowing him to be less attentive to us for his reasons, (that he may be having a wrong time at work, that he is worried about something, etc. .).
Thus, we adopt a very childish and immature posture called “selfishness,” in which our health, our routine, and our state of mind matter… ultimately, only we matter, and we project on the other person who must be a slave to our state of mind, thus being pending of us full time. Have you stopped to think that maybe you should ask if everything is ok and stop expecting behaviors and making conclusions?
8. Could you wait for it to finish?
In emotional communication in pairs, you have to have something bright: learning to listen is essential.
If you start a conversation or start it with you, wait for it to end. Leaving in the middle of a discussion makes things worse and makes sure that the matter is not settled. Respect the turns and take the opportunity to speak when it is your turn. In this way, you will be able to clarify what is bothering you and what can be done.
Read More: The 9 lifestyles of happy people
It is important, during these talks, that standard solutions be reached through an agreement; See them like this and not as a tool in which you have to pay in the form of a shower before which we only intend to listen so that it happens and we can continue doing our things. In short, I propose to debate.